Why Saying ‘Hello, Stranger’ Could Be Key to Better Health

April 8, 2024 — Some people love to chat. I learned this 15 years ago when I moved to a small village in France. 

They chatted with the boulangerie owner, with the grocery clerk, with the town hall official, and with each other: joking, gossiping, bantering. For me, fresh from urban North America, this was inefficient and frustrating.

But it’s probably healthy. Talking to strangers may be good for our bodies and minds, science suggests. Call it “vitamin S,” for social contact. That’s the term used by social psychologist Paul van Lange, PhD, and his colleagues at Vrije Universiteit Amsterdam, in the Netherlands, for the boost we can get from talking with strangers.

“We are social animals and cannot afford to live without social connections,” Van Lange said. 

When connected, “people are happier, healthier, and live longer,” said Julianne Holt-Lunstad, PhD, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at Brigham Young University in Provo, UT. 

That is well established, though most research has focused on our closest ties, such as those with spouses or friends, said Gillian Sandstrom, PhD, senior lecturer in psychology at the University of Sussex in the U.K. 

The Benefits of Connecting

Chatting up people we don’t know has been linked with better mood and a higher sense of belonging, both predictors of longer life. It can elevate your spirits, even if the idea doesn’t appeal to you. In one experiment, scientists asked commuters on London public transit how it would feel if they had to talk to a stranger. Most said it would be awkward and unpleasant. Yet the researchers instructed some of the commuters to do just that: chat up a stranger during a ride. 

To the commuters’ surprise, the task was easy and pleasant. What’s more, their moods lifted. “A conversation can reliably increase people’s happiness levels compared to doing other things,” said Juliana Schroeder, PhD, a social cognition researcher at the University of California, Berkeley, and the study’s author.

Sandstrom’s experiments, meanwhile, showed that striking up a conversation with a barista can boost a sense of belonging. The researchers recruited people who were approaching a Starbucks, then randomly assigned them to two groups: Some were asked to make their interaction with the cashier as efficient as possible (minimal engagement, pay, move on). Others were asked to interact: smile, chat, make eye contact. When surveyed afterward, those who’d made an effort felt not only more cheerful but also more included in the community. 

Some interactions we have with strangers and acquaintances can have direct, positive effects on our physiology. In one study, participants who were assigned to conduct random acts of kindness once a week for 4 weeks, like “paying for someone’s coffee in line behind you,” saw reductions in pro-inflammatory gene expression — meaning they became less vulnerable to inflammation. Other research shows smiling helps our cardiovascular system recover faster from stress. In general, positive social interactions tend to blunt the activity of the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis — the body’s acute stress response.

This friendliness can build on itself: When more people in a neighborhood practice talking with bus drivers, passersby, and fellow commuters, their whole community may flourish. Communities where residents agree with statements such as “most people in this area are friendly” or “I really feel part of this area” tend to see fewer strokes and a lower incidence of diabetes, studies show. People who live there may also be more likely to get cholesterol tests, mammograms, and yearly flu shots. 

What’s more, the mood-lifting effects of talking to strangers work for shy and introverted people, too. “It seems like everybody benefits from having a conversation with a stranger, but introverts are more worried about doing it,” Sandstrom said.

That’s why researchers recommend that introverts merely try to act more extroverted. In one series of experiments, when introverts were instructed to talk to strangers as if they were extroverted — in a bold, talkative, energetic manner — they ended up enjoying themselves as much as extroverts did. 

How Do You Start?

Sandstrom admits that it’s not easy to make people overcome their fear of talking to strangers. “We’ve had all these messages as kids: don’t talk to strangers, they’re scary, they’re dangerous,” she said. 

Of course, some safety concerns are real. And common sense is important — maybe don’t talk to strangers “in a dark alley at night,” Van Lange said.

But what appears to work is repeated exposure: Approaching strangers again and again teaches us that people are generally nice and fun to talk to. 

Sandstrom and her colleagues designed a scavenger hunt game in which volunteers had to repeatedly approach and converse with strangers. After a week, the participants were less fearful of rejection and much more confident about chatting up people they didn’t know. 

Try some tricks, if you dare. Put down your phone in waiting rooms or when commuting. Or give up Google maps in favor of — gasp — a real person. In one experiment, people who had to ask strangers for directions found the location slightly slower than those equipped with smartphones but felt considerably more socially connected. 

In Sandstrom’s scavenger hunt experiments, though, one simple piece of advice seemed to resonate most: “Be brave.” Just remember, Sandstrom said: “People like you more than you think.”